Over the past several weeks, I have discussed the impact of attending a traditionally female college in the early 1970s. I wasn't there that long -- like most students of the time, I got on the train at 18 and disembarked at 22 with a diploma. But those four years were formative, shaping the rest of my personal and professional life in some important ways:
--Valuing female friendships: Most women I know value their friendships with other women, of course. But I was raised in a time and culture that put men first. We were encouraged to break a date with a girl friend, for example, if a boy asked us out. My exposure to the brilliance, fierce loyalty, seriousness and silliness of my classmates put an end to that nonsense. My best friend from college remains one of my two best friends today. She is the person I call when I need to talk through a problem, cry without explaining myself, or share good (or bad) news. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her.
--Valuing women in the workplace: I have friends, both male and female, who complain about "women bosses": that they are petty, self-contradictory micromanagers, mostly. For a while I thought I had just been extraordinarily lucky to have a string of extremely competent, visionary, and decisive (not to mention empathetic and fun) female employers. Then I realized that we were sometimes talking about the same people. Women of my generation were trained not to raise our voices; to deliver definite pronouncements as though they were tentative questions; and to mask and deny irritation until it builds up into an explosion. This behavior is so ingrained in many of us that we don't realize we're sending out seemingly mixed signals. Working on tech crews, student committees, etc., at college, I got used to decoding "Maybe we should go with the yellow scrim; what do you think?" as "Please get started on the yellow scrim now," and this assumption that my female bosses a) knew what they wanted and b) were communicating this, if I listened hard enough, saved me many misunderstandings as a young flunky. I also, unlike many of my peers, took women's competence as a given, and thus avoided the irritating questioning and second-guessing that tends to lead to the aforementioned explosions.
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