Welcome to campus, class of 2018!

You’ve survived the modern college admissions rat race and wrangled your mother into buying you that overpriced shower caddie at Bed Bath & Beyond. BBBY 0.00% It would seem the hard part is over, but not so fast.

Sure, you’ve crossed your t’s and dotted your i’s, but you haven’t yet learned to “check your privilege.” That’s what orientation is for. Perhaps you’re only now learning that white is a synonym for racist. Brace yourselves for lectures all week on how to spot diversity and workshops about how to ensure your room is a safe space.

Here are some tips for surviving PCU, the politically correct university of your choice:

Your course catalog may include offerings like “Transnational Transgender Social Formations: Political Economies and Health Disparities” (at Columbia) or “Romantic Extremities: Madness, Revolution, Sublimity, and the Celtic Fringe” (Wesleyan) or “Made from Scrap: The Poetics and Politics of Salvage in the Americas” (Berkeley). If you don’t know what any of that means, you’re not alone.

Stick to classes where you understand every word in the course title. Subjects with two syllables are a good bet: Econ. Latin. Great Books. Con Law. Plato. Austen. Milton. Dante. Nietzsche.